Attorneys Are Scum: Views from a Former Paralegal

The Realities of Being a Lowly Paralegal

2010-02-14T08:45:00.001-08:00

Being a paralegal is not:
1. Fun
2. Rewarding
3. Worthwhile
4. Well paying (or even decently paying. It's DIRT.)

Being a paralegal does not give you:
1. Upward Mobility
2. Job Security
3. Transferable job experience
4. Respect

Being a Paralegal Really Sucks

2010-02-14T08:35:00.000-08:00

I like to see that people are finding this blog because they are searching Google for "being a paralegal sucks."

It does.

Never let an attorney tell you otherwise. They are only using you.

Comment Moderation

2009-11-15T08:09:00.001-08:00

Funny. I've been looking around for other sites that discuss the real live experiences of being a paralegal. Invariably, what I've discovered is that the sites that promote paralegal schools, paralegal work, and the subservient career path of a paralegal all "moderate" their comments.

What's that all about? Why not hear all sides of the story?

Severed without Severance

2009-11-10T11:10:00.001-08:00

These days it seems that everyone gets a good severance package when they lose their job. It's not uncommon to hear that people are getting paid for six months after being let go.

As a paralegal? I wish I had been so lucky. I lost my job in December 2007, before anyone called it a recession. I got word that I was being "let go" two days after Thanksgiving weekend. My last day ended up being two weeks before Christmas. Needless to say, I worked for the ultimate Scrooge. A man who rides on daddy's coattails and who puts himself out there as an advocate of the little guy, but then shits all over his own employees. The people who operate the firm I was employed for are the ultimate hypocrites.

I worked for that asshole every day of the year in 2007, bending over backwards and putting in overtime. But, because I was no longer employed by the firm at the end of December, when holiday bonuses were doled out, I got cheesed out of getting any bonus at all. Do you honestly think they would have done that to an attorney? I think not.

For me, the measly paralegal, the firm's idea of a "severance package" was providing me with two weeks of pay. Two weeks. Not a month. Not two. Certainly not six. I got my two weeks. Right in the middle of the holiday season. But, it sure was nice of them to make sure I had an extra paycheck on Christmas, wasn't it?

How merry I've been ever since.

That's Right, Being a Paralegal Sucks

2009-11-07T07:19:00.000-08:00

Thinking about pursuing a career as a paralegal? This blog will fill you in on the insider secrets that the "Paralegal Schools" won't tell you. The schools will lie. They'll tell you that working as a paralegal is a rewarding career with upward mobility. In actuality, it is a career spent sucking attorneys dicks (which they always think are much harder and bigger than they actually are.)

Pursuing a career as a paralegal is a horrible decision to make. Being a paralegal SUCKS. It is the most thankless job you'll ever have. All you do is bend over backwards for some pompous, self-righteous attorney, and then, in the end? They don't care. Nothing you do for them matters. They just see themselves as better than you, don't thank you for your work, and then fuck you in the asshole by letting you go just as soon as they run out of immediate work for you. Since losing my permanent position two years ago, I've been in and out of work and shuffled from temp job to temp job. And I worked for a firm that's supposed to help clients combat employment discrimination and protect consumer rights.

In my last crappy temp position? I spent four months working in a STORAGE CLOSET. That's right, my "workspace" was set up in a storage closet. I worked where the documents go to die. (And no, this was not some small, little firm in the middle of a tiny town. This was a major firm that occupies six floors of one of the largest skyscrapers in the midwest.)

I'm not stupid. I graduated with honors from an elite college. I'm perfectly capable of going to law school. I pursued a "trial" career as a paralegal because I wanted to see if I actually liked it enough to drop 100k on a law school education. After my experience as a paralegal? I wouldn't wish the profession on my worst enemy.

As a paralegal? You get no respect.
As a paralegal? Attorneys consistently look down their noses at you.
As a paralegal? Even the clients think you're too stupid to trust.
As a paralegal? You'll get stuck working as a temp.

Quite frankly? Attorneys are scum.